Engaged

Yup, yup! 'Tis true. My overwhelming charm and propensity to cook dinner has officially clouded Mr. Scootz's mind long enough for him to propose to me. My evil plan worked -- and it's too late for him to turn back now! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

OK, so maybe that's not exactly how it went. I'll do my best to summarize here.

So, Scott had been planning this romantic, Valentine's Day weekend getaway since October. I figured he just wanted to make reservations early since Valentine's Day weekend for any hotels gets booked way in advance.

He had found this awesome place called Eden Paradise Retreat online in Julian, CA -- just outside of one of our favorite places in the world, the Anza Borrego Desert. It's a 16-acre property that you get all to yourself. It's got a 2-bedroom, 2-bath cabin on it with all of the amenities, including fully stocked kitchen and satellite TV.

Also on the property are several different types of animals. There are a pair of goats that you can walk (kind of), doves, golden pheasants, and araucana chickens that lay eggs that you get to cook when you stay there.

The property also has tons of hiking trails, and little hidden nooks all over the place with at least 5 different barbecue pits, lots of benches and chairs, and at least 3 fire pits that we saw. It's very cool.

Anyway, unfortunately that Thursday before the trip (Valentine's Day), I was getting really sick. But, since we had booked this trip since October of 2007, there was no way I was cancelling. So, on Saturday, we packed up the car and headed up the 8 East for a leisurely drive through the desert up to Julian and Eden Paradise Retreat.

We spent the day driving through the desert. We got a chance to get some lunch in Julian (which was super packed and way overcrowded due to President's Day weekend). It was really relaxing, and good for both of us just to enjoy the scenery. I was a very happy panda.

We got to the cabin about 30 minutes early, but the owner Doug was already there and very graciously checked us in early. After he showed us around the cabin and the property (including "goat time"), he left us two crazy kids to our own devices at the cabin.

Scott suggested that we have just a small glass of wine to celebrate. We were going to dinner at 7PM, and it was about 4PM, so I said "Sure". He sat me down on the couch in the sun room, facing sliding glass doors that opened out to our balcony and unobstructed views of the valley.

He had told me earlier in the week that he had a little Valentine's Day present he wanted to give me that weekend. I thought it was a bobble-headed penguin, or something of that nature, so I didn't really think much of it.

Well, at that point with our glasses of wine, he said he wanted to give me my present then. But, I had to close my eyes. Being the clueless rube that I am, I thought, "Wow. I guess it's a really BIG bobble-headed penguin then." So, I obligingly closed my eyes, and waited for him to tell me I could open them.

When he came back and let me know I could open my eyes, he waved his empty hands in front of me and said, "Ta dah!", which, because I am indeed such a nerd, I found quite amusing. He then kissed me on the forehead, and said to me, "You are the love of my life. You're my soul mate. And that is why I want to spend the rest of my life with you." *cue awwwwing on my part*

Then, he got down on one knee, and pulled a box from behind his back, or his pocket. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't really paying attention from whence it came, because once I saw him getting down on that knee, I knew what was coming.

He then opened the box with my beautiful engagement ring, and said to me, "Elizabeth *insert my horrible, Hicksville USA middle name that my parents so cruelly cursed me with that I can finally get rid of once I get married* Martin, will you marry me?"

Now, it's pretty hard to shut my loud, English major, vociferous & verbose ass up. But, the best I could manage was: "Uh, YEAH! Yes... yes! I'm trying to think of the 50 different ways one can say 'yes', but since I can't think of anything else, one hundred ten thousand percent yes!"

So, we're engaged now. Yeah! =D I'm so ridiculously happy. Scott is the love-of-my-life. I don't know how he manages to put up with me, let alone enjoy being with my crazy ass. But, God love him for it!

There's no date, yet. We both agreed we're just going to enjoy the newness of being engaged for a month or so, and then we'll figure out the logistics of this whole future wedding.

Any hoot, if you want to see all of the pictures from the weekend, feel free to visit the album I uploaded onto my Flickr account.

By the way, thanks so much to everyone who sent us well wishes. It means so much to us to be able to share this with all of our friends and family. I can't wait until we're actually married. But, in the mean time, I'm sure loving this whole engagement! =)

Cheers,

E

Forgiveness

NOTE: Here is the blog I did on forgiveness 2 weeks ago. I think now that we’re in the first few days of Lent, it’s actually a really good time to post this. I have lightly editing it, but the bulk of what I originally wrote has stayed the same.

FORGIVENESS

I’m actually posting something serious today. (I know, so much less amusing than reality TV assessments, but I need to get some things off my chest… or at least out of my mind.)

I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that more people hate me or have grudges against me. I understand it’s just par for the course – the older you get, the more people you meet, and the more opportunities you have to piss people off.

As a Christian, I try to actively practice forgiveness. I haven’t quite succeeded on all fronts, but I am indeed trying. I pray for people who have really hurt me, that God would bless them, forgive them for what they did to me, and also help me to forgive them.

It’s a freeing thing to forgive others; quite possibly the most freeing thing someone can do in his or her life.

I’ve been blessed to have a lot of people forgive me for wrongs that I’ve committed in my life. I’ve wronged each of my closest friends, and they’ve all forgiven me for it. My parents have forgiven me for horrible things that I’ve said to them. They’ve forgiven me for things that I’ve done that were so disrespectful and bordering on cruel.

I would take a bullet for any of them because of it.

But, as many people as there are that have forgiven me for things that I’ve done wrong in my life, there are plenty more who haven’t. They know who they are – even if they’ve never directly come out and said that they are angry at me still.

I know it in my heart; and, it truly breaks me to the core.

I’ve said it before to people, but perhaps I haven’t said it firmly enough. Maybe I haven’t said it clearly enough.

But, to everyone whose feelings I have hurt, or who I may have disrespected, please believe me when I say I AM SORRY. I’m sorry for hurt feelings. I’m sorry for any disrespect that I might have directed towards you. I’m sorry if I misspoke without taking into account your side of the story or your feelings.

I’m sorry that I’m not a better person. But please believe me when I say that I pray every day that I will be.

I really wish it could be different. Unfortunately, sometimes you can never do enough to earn someone’s forgiveness.

I’ve encountered this from many people in my life. These people don’t talk about me to my face. I wish they did, though. I can deal with being confronted. And you know what? Typically once we do and everything is out in the open, we’re able to forgive one another.

What is the far worse is having to deal with people who act like nothing is wrong, instead choosing to take the passive-aggressive route. Things such as always declining your invitations, and not including you in theirs; answering your attempts at conversation in four words or less; taking condescending tones when speaking with you; ignoring you when you’re in the room; whispering about you when they think you can’t hear them – these are the most painful things to deal with, in my opinion.

Knowing that people are still angry at me, even to the point of hating me, whether it’s been 2 months or 17 years, it is one of the most difficult things for me to deal with.

At the end of the day, though, I don’t have a problem with forgiving people for any ill will that they may direct towards me. I know I have been in the wrong many times in my life. And, even if I truly believe I wasn’t, I still understand how people can feel wronged, even if there was no intent.

For me forgiving others is not my problem. My problem is I can’t forgive myself.

I still feel bad for things I did decades ago. I still feel bad about things that people have long since forgiven me for – some things that they weren’t even upset about in the first place.

The one person in this world I’ve never been able to forgive in my heart on at least some level is me. It eats me inside when old issues flare up, and I have to confront the fact that people out there are still angry and spiteful towards me.

I hate the fact that I have caused others to hate me; and, it leads to me being unable to forgive myself for what I’ve done – especially when the people that I’ve hurt won’t forgive me.

I guess what I really have to grab a hold of is the fact that even if people cannot forgive me, God can – and in fact already has, is doing so, and will continue to do so until I no longer am part of this world, but entirely of His.

Wow – even just typing that sentence made me feel a whole lot better. =)

God does forgive, and it is through his forgiveness that we are able to forgive. Whatever theology you believe in, that fact remains true: By receiving forgiveness, you are able to forgive.

It’s a long journey that I’ve been on. I don’t really talk a lot about the road I’ve taken to get here… partly because I’m ashamed at some level, partly because I know there are billions of people who have been through far worse, partly because I never want to relive those days.

The point in this blog here is that I truly believe that forgiving others, and accepting the forgiveness of others is the one of the most healing, freeing things that anyone can ever experience in this world. It is only by truly accepting forgiveness (from God, from others, and even from yourself) that we are able to fully understand forgiveness and its life changing properties.

There is an example that was burned into my mind several years ago that I feel summarizes this whole point.

Many of you may remember the “Green River Killer”, Gary Ridgway. He was known at the time as America’s Deadliest Serial Killer. He confessed to killing 48 women, most of them prostitutes – though actual estimates of his killings are much higher.

I remember watching a news clip back when he was being sentenced. Relatives and friends of the murdered women, one after one came up and unleashed their pain and fury. And, who could blame them? This man raped, tortured, and brutally murdered their mothers, daughters, sisters, granddaughters, aunts, and friends. The fact of the matter was he deserved every last ounce of their anger and hatred.

Through each of these encounters, he looked each of the accusers in the eye with a stone cold look of acceptance. No remorse, no compassion, just acceptance of their hatred and anger.

And, none of those people left feeling any better. This sick man had taken a cherished person from them. All the pain that they unleashed on him did nothing to change him. He still sat there with cold acceptance. People hated him. He knew it, he knew he deserved it, and he accepted it with indifference.

Then, an old man walked up to the podium. He had a long, shaggy grey beard and was wearing simple clothes that looked like a farmer’s outfit. He spoke with a quiet voice of his working as a “Santa Claus” in his community.

His name was Robert Rule. His daughter had been one of the victims of Gary Ridgway.

What happened next was quite possibly one of the most moving things I’ve ever seen in my life.



See, that is the power of forgiveness there. What Mr. Rule did was probably one of the most courageous, difficult, merciful things I’ve ever seen in my life. And the effects were immediate – he reduced a cold, hardened, serial killer to tears.

It’s things like this that make me want to be a better person. It’s things like this that make me want to forgive everyone who has wronged me; because, the truth of the matter is, Mr. Rule is the only one who walked out of that courtroom with any sense of peace and closure in his heart.

Regardless if I can ever be forgiven by certain individuals, I can move forward knowing that I am forgiven by the One whose forgiveness is most precious, and I in turn can move forward forgiving everyone who has wronged me.

Do I wish things could be different? Absolutely. I wish that everyone in the world that I’ve ever met liked me and was on good terms with me.

But, it’s never going to be like that – at least not here on this earth. What I have to hold on to, and what I think has the biggest lesson that I’ve learned thus far this year is to grab a hold of the forgiveness given to you, and in return give it back to all who have wronged you – regardless of whether or not people do the same for you. Do it, and you’ll see your life transformed in ways that you never could have imagined.

Anyway, sorry this is not a more amusing blog. If you quit reading halfway through… well, then you’re probably not reading this sentence, so never mind.

If anything I’ve said here has offended you, or if I sound too preachy, or if it sounds like I don’t care how others are feeling about me, or if I sound like I think I’m so awesome and/or better than others because I’m working on forgiveness, please know that is not at all my intent.

Please… do forgive me. O=)

I write this because finding forgiveness is truly the path to freedom. Religions are founded upon it. Relationships are healed because of it. People are free to live because of it.

I write this because I want EVERYONE to find it – wherever it may be.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hopefully, I’ll be back to the usual, inane crap on Monday. But, truly, I thank you for reading this far. As a reward, and to lighten the mood, here are some awesome LOLCats. (I know, totally off-topic, but I feel that LOLCats are always an appropriate gift.) O=)

Cheers,

E

I'm Tired

I’m really tired. Normally, that would be a bad thing. But, for me, it’s a wonderful thing.

I’ve had terrible insomnia since I was about 16. I’ve never been able to sleep without some sort of medication since then.

Mercifully, God helped me to get off of the “prescription” stuff quite some time ago. Now, I just take the over-the-counter Unisom, and it does the trick typically after about an hour from taking it.

I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s better than not sleeping at all.

Lately, I’ve been getting concerned that the Unisom has lost its efficacy. I was feeling sleepy all day, but once it was evening, I perked right up and got so filled with energy that I could not fall asleep for the life of me.

It was getting so bad that it would take over 2 hours to fall asleep. Not being able to sleep, and having your mind wander off and just continue to ramble about random shit is beyond frustrating.

So, I came up with an official “action list” in case I was indeed becoming immune to Unisom.

I spent way too long being overmedicated on prescription pills. Now that I’m finally down to pretty much 1/10 of what I used to use, I have absolutely no desire to go onto any more prescriptions. (The ones I’m on now are for innocuous things like my asthma and skin care medications.)

Ultimately, if I can’t fall asleep with the over-the-counter help any longer, I’m just not going to sleep. Period. I can’t emphasize enough how much I can’t stand the amount of pills being pushed on Americans these days. I hate that I even have to be on the ones I’m on!

If it’s a choice between sleep and prescription pills, or no sleep and no prescription pills, then I’m ordering the DVD set of “Insomniac with Dave Attell” and making an all-nighter out of it.

Fortunately for me, after approximately two weeks of averaging just a few hours of sleep per night (since I tend to wake up at least 3-4 times a night for anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour on really bad night), I’m finally tired.

YEAH!!!! =D

Last night, I went to bed at about 9:30PM, and I was asleep before 10:30. I only got up once for about 15 minutes. That’s dang near close to a miracle as far as I’m concerned.

Even with that, I’m still a bit tired today at work. But, that’s good. I want to be tired. My only hope is that I feel more tired once I get home.

Anyway, that’s why I didn’t write anything yesterday – I was actually tired when I got home! =)

Sorry this isn’t a typical, E-humored blog. I’m just so happy that I’m sleepy again, AND that I’ve come so far from where I was for so long with the overmedication. NEVER AGAIN! =)

Cheers,

E

"Super" Tuesday

Was there ever any doubt?

Yes, folks, it’s “Super” Tuesday – as in “Today we don’t vote between a turd sandwich and a giant douche. We vote between SEVERAL turd sandwiches and giant douches. Super! Oh yeah, and it's Tuesday.”

Giant Douche all the way!

Does anyone else find it ironic that this falls on the day before Lent starts?

So, I’ve thought long and hard about who I’m going to vote for. But, in the end it doesn’t matter because I moved recently, and was unable to re-register at the new address in time for the Primaries. Poop.

Oh well, I’ll be there for the general elections.

As for the remaining candidates, I’ve made my picks for the ones I like for each party.

REPUBLICAN: RON PAUL

PROS: I know a lot of people have pretty much written off Ron Paul due to the Mainstream Media’s all but complete lack of coverage of him. But, Ron Paul is the only Republican that’s actually a Republican – you know, smaller government, more personal responsibility, fewer taxes, and less international interference?

Sounds pretty nice, right? But, I know a lot of you are saying, “That’s not a Republican!”

Actually, it’s what a Republican was up until Bush I came into office. (I don’t like Reagan, but at least he was somewhat more adherent to traditional Republican viewpoints before Bush I and crew went off on a total NeoCon tangent.)

Do yourself a favor and go to RonPaul2008.com, and just look at what his viewpoints are and what he wants to do if elected to office. I really believe that if people took the time to look into what his action plans are, and the future he wants to bring to America, he’d be way ahead in the polls.

If nothing else, this man loves our country, loves the ideals it was founded upon, and he embodies a passion for the TRUE America that so many of us have either forgotten, or are too young to have ever experienced.

CONS: The only bad thing I’ve heard anyone have to say about Ron Paul is some reporter accused him of saying something racist back a few decades ago. That actually really disturbed me for a bit.

However, then the President of the Austin Chapter of the NAACP came right out and said, “Ron Paul is not a racist.” And, seeing how the NAACP is definitely not one to just give out “free passes” to people accused of saying something racist, I took this as a huge confirmation that what he was accused of was indeed false.

The only other “con” about Paul is that there has been such a purposeful blackout by the media on covering his campaign that most voters have no idea who Ron Paul is; and, those who THINK they do just think he’s a whack-job due to some of the grassroots tactics of his supporters.

I don’t think he’ll win – and it’s a shame, for the record. However, I really feel this is only the beginning of a revolution that Paul and his campaign have started. I’m so happy someone of his record, integrity, and views is running. And, I’m even more happy to see how huge the response has been from the American Public.


DEMOCRAT: Barack Obama

PROS: I’m not even going to lie – I REALLY like Obama. I like that he's fresh, young, and represents the new voices of America, instead of the tired ones on the way out (God willing).

People keep saying, "Oh, he doesn't have much experience." To them I say, "Who would you rather have in charge of your bank? Someone who has been assistant manager at a nearby branch for a year, or a professional thief of 35 years?"

See, it's not the number of years that counts -- it is the quality of those years. And in Barack Obama's time in the Senate, he's done more for human rights, justice, and to be a voice for America's voiceless than Hilary Clinton has in her entire "35 Years" in office.

Obama has youth, spirit, passion, and a vision. Many people compare him to Bobby Kennedy, and I definitely can see why. He definitely is the face and the voice of the next generation of Americans.

CONS: The only issue I have with Barack Obama is I don't feel like I really know enough about specifically HOW he is going to produce the results that he is speaking about in his campaign.

That is my one fear with him -- that he'll bring about so much hope for the future, and then not have a strategy to make our goals a reality.

However, I do have confidence in him. Looking at what he's done in his short time in the Senate, I believe his character is strong, and that he could lead this country to greatness once again.


SPECIAL E RANKING OF CANDIDATES

Fuck CNN and their "Exit Polls". For one thing, how do we know they're not making "results" up? It's not like the voting machines are exactly reliable.

No, ladies and gents, instead I choose to create my own "graph".

I present to you...

PERCENTAGE OF CHANCE THAT I'LL MOVE TO CANADA IF THIS CANDIDATE WINS THE 2008 ELECTIONS

1. Mitt Romney (99.9%) --> God help us.
2. Hilary Clinton (95%) --> Even a bigger "God help us", because I'm predicting she'll take the whole thing.
3. John McCain (80%) --> 20% off in the event that he grows a pair and quits being the official "Salad Tosser" for the Bush Administration
4. Mike Huckabee (50%) --> I think he's a genuine, good person, even though I disagree with almost all of his politics. At least if he was president I could trust him and know he was doing what he thinks is best for America -- even if it was what I know is worst.
5. Barack Obama (5%) --> Again, my only concern is that he's all talk and not enough action. I'm confident he's the real deal, though.
6. Ron Paul (5%) --> He gets a 5% rating in the rare event that he actually turns out to be crazy. Again, I'm confident he's the real deal.

Anyhoot, that's my assessment of the whole thing. I sure hope either Ron Paul or Barack Obama take the whole thing. However, I'm sure the Neo-Con shills that have been running this nation (into the ground) for the past 30+ years aren't going to give up without a fight.

I really don't want a Bush/Clinton dynasty. Do you? No seriously, do you? I actually have some friends that do (mainly on the Clinton side, but there are a few die-hard Bushies out there that make me question why I am still friends with them).

Happy Voting!

Cheers,

E

Team of Desti -- NOT!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

*breathe*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Well, look at what we have here! The New York Giants are the Superbowl LXII Champions!

Eli Manning is still a total douche, but Michael Strahan's my man. You can put on Mary J. Blige's sequined dress and heels and burst into "Just Fine", and I still don't give a dang. Any man who sacks Tom Brady like this gets my full support:




And look at what else we have here: Bill Belichick being a sore loser! Surprise, surprise. Looks like he's got a lot of thinking to do while (hopefully) washing that grubby ass, disgusting, shredded rag of a sweatshirt he wears.

Am I wrong, or am I right here, folks?

Ladies and gents, I am the very definition of schadenfreude today. >=)P

Cheers,

E

Random Thoughts on a Friday Night

Friday was a really busy day for me, so I didn't post a blog. I know, I suck.

But, even though I was at home at the 'rents house alone on a Friday night (a rare occassion, just for the record), I couldn't bring myself to post a blog. I was having some deep thoughts.

By "deep" I mean just the standard, run-of-the-mill random, crazy crap that inevitably floats through my mind.

So, around 1AM I decided to just write down some of the random thoughts that came to mind. I choose to share them here because:

A.) They're amusing to me;
B.) I have a feeling they'll be amusing to you; and,
C.) I don't have any better blog ideas this morning, and I'm going to lunch Ichi-Ban and shopping with the gals in a couple of hours.

Enjoy!

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON A FRIDAY NIGHT

One thing I hate more than anything in this world is sausage. Who the hell thought up sausage?! I’d hate to be part of that mental conversation:

“Hey self, you know what would be a great idea? How about we get a penis shaped sack of dried intestine skin, fill it with all of the leftover body parts of animals (and maybe a bit of their hair and feces), and sell it to people sealed in a bag of its own fermenting juices in packs of 8, while selling the necessary buns in packs of 10!”

There’s nothing wrong with the above thinking. It’s called a hot dog. But, then they had to go and add all of those funky spices and ruin a perfectly good thing. Who fucked that up? I’m looking at you GERMANY.

For the record, I’m a vegetarian.

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I don’t understand why it takes my bank 3-5 days to process a payment I make from my checking account there to my credit card account there. What’s going on in there? How much time does it take money from you and give it to yourself? My best time was 2 seconds.

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I really like puppets. I don’t know why. I think it’s because when they talk, they look like me.

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I really hate clowns. Who laughs at clowns? You know who laughs at clowns? No one – because clowns aren’t funny.

Who thought the concept of clowns would be funny? How’d that thought process go?

“Hey, I’ve got an idea to make people laugh! First, I’m going to put creepy make-up on my face that makes “Buffalo Bill” from Silence of the Lambs look like a kindergarten teacher.

“Then, I’m going to blow up balloons and twist them into knots to make them look vaguely like objects – mainly genitalia.

“Then, I’m going to put on some shoes that are way too big for me, rainbow suspenders, and a bright red afro wig, which will look great against my hospital white, painted face.

“Finally, I’m not going to talk, but instead make largely exaggerated faces and movements. Surely, that will give people the chuckles – especially little children who are right in the midst of the years when they’ll be forming all of the phobias that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.”

WRONG. The only time people laugh at clowns is when they get hurt and it’s clearly not part of the act. Stick that in your balloon and blow it.

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I never think about hypothetical questions hard enough. I was asked once if I could do one thing, and knew I wouldn’t fail at it, what would I do.

My immediate answer was, “Steal a penguin from Sea World and keep it as my pet.” Then I thought about for more than 3 seconds, and I was like, “Ah man! I mean bring about world peace!”

But, it was too late. I was already stuck with a confused penguin wondering how it got in my bathtub for my one lasting accomplishment in this world – hypothetically.

For the record though, it was totally worth it.



Cheers,

E