Can I Ask a Question?

Is the name “Elizabeth” REALLY that hard to spell?

Now, I’ve come to terms with the fact that, apparently, the name “Elizabeth” is too long. Every time I tell people my name is Elizabeth, they say, “Do you like to be called “Liz” or “Beth”?”

Well, last time I checked, I liked to be called by my NAME, which is Elizabeth. (NOTE: If you’ve been referring to me as “Liz” previous to 2002, you get a free pass. I know I drilled it in to you back then, and the fact that I’ve now decided to stop being a bratty teenager has no bearing on your ability to call me by another name. I understand.)

Anywho, back to my question. You see, I go to the Starbucks down the road from my office almost every work day. I like it. I like the people who work there. They know me, and they like me.

However, they don’t know how to spell my name… like, AT ALL.

For those unfamiliar with how Starbucks operates, first of all, welcome to the developed world! Glad you’re here! I know it can be tough getting out of a place like North Korea, The Democratic Republic of Congo, or Nebraska.

Second of all, normally when you walk into a Starbucks, it’s packed. So, they take your name down, and print it out onto the label (along with your specific drink order) that they stick onto the cup that will hold your drink.

Now, I know “spelling” ranks pretty darn low on the list of priorities amidst the American people. After all:

A.) English is quite possibly the most difficult language to spell in, because there are pretty much zero rules involved; and,
B.) We have spell check now.

However, I’m thinking with a name like “Elizabeth”, it’s probably something that the AVERAGE American can spell, since it’s been one of the Top 20 Female names since this country was founded.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Allow me to regale you with some choice spellings of my name by the people at my local Starbucks:

1. Elizabet
2. Lizabet
3. Lizabeth
4. Elizab
5. Elisabeth (acceptable if this lady was French, but she wasn’t)
6. Elizibeth
7. Illizibeth (That’s actually my personal favorite – it’s going to be my rap name.)
8. Lisbeth

Out of the (literally) hundreds of times I’ve gone to this Starbucks, they’ve probably spelled my name correctly twice. (That’s how I know it’s not just a system thing where they can only enter so many characters into the register’s name field.)

I know I stutter and slur my words a lot (shut up, it’s a speech impediment… most of the time), but are people really not understanding that my name is “Elizabeth”?

Again, I really like my peeps down at the local Starbucks. But, not being able to spell “Elizabeth” correctly? I’ll bet if my name was “MacKenzie” they’d get it right.

By the way, if you name your child “MacKenzie”, I really don’t need to know you. That’s the most God-awful name for a female child on the planet, and everyone and their Mom is naming their kids that now.

But that’s a whole other rant for a whole other time.

Cheers,

E (Since, apparently, most people can’t spell my full name)

PS: Yes, I know I didn't blog at all during October. I went out of the country, and when I came back my new home city was on fire. I'll be back in full effect for November, je te promis.