My First Video

Juan and Nick at our office bet on the Detroit Tigers vs. San Diego Padres series. Whoever lost had to shave their head.

Well, Juan being the foolish man that he is bet on the Padres. And, being a hardcore Dodgers fan, I felt it was my duty to not only help humiliate Juan for the day, but to make sure that humiliation was available for all posterity.

So, I took video footage of the event, and had Mr. Scootz teach me a few video editing tricks. And, let me just say this -- if you thought the picture comments were bad, wait 'til you see what I'm now going to be posting on your pages. O=) I really enjoy video editing!

And, speaking of enjoy, I hope you enjoy...

Cheers,

E

A Glimpse Inside My Heart...

I don't like the fact that I don't have time to write anymore. It's really starting to grate on my spirit.

Some things you just know in your heart that you're meant to do. You don't feel complete when you're not doing them. When you're not doing the things you were created to do, your world feels bleak and hopeless.

That's how I feel when I don't write… like my world is listless and that my life is becoming a pointless vacuum, just sucking up precious time and throwing it out with the rest of the dust.

How depressing. But, that's how I get when I don't write.

I've been in a funk all this week, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Scott & I were joking last night that I was going through a quarter-century crisis. While there probably is some truth to that, it's not so much that I'm becoming imminently aware of my own mortality. It's that I'm wasting what time I have with things that aren't important.

I'm slaving away at the office in Sales. How I ever ended up in sales, I'll never know. I guess it's because I'm really good at talking out of my ass. I'm good with words, and that helps me sell things.

But, it's not what I'm meant to do. I know that in my heart, but for the time being it's where I'm stuck. I have to make a living, and unfortunately this is what I have to do. It's draining, consistently disappointing, and requires a huge amount of up-front work in order to build any sort of client base and steady income.

I hate sales. I've come to this conclusion in the past few weeks. But, it's the only way I'm going to get ahead and be able to bring home a decent living. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a lawyer, so I have to be a business woman.

But, my heart is sad. It's sad because I'm not doing what I'm meant to do. I don't want to waste my life selling things that don't matter. When people get so worked up around here about "bottom-line" and "meeting quarterly quotas", it just depresses and angers me. I just think about places like Sierra Leone, Rwanda, Darfur, Nazi Germany, Myanmar, and I am overwhelmed with the stupidity and borderline insulting pointlessness of all this stress and anxiety.

No one is going to die from not getting product in time. There aren't going to be any genocides due to Best Buy or Circuit City not getting their big orders in. We're not going to have an apocalyptic meltdown of our society because the reps didn't make their commission this month.

No, I can't be that person. I can't live my life being concerned about how much I'm selling, or what deal is coming in. I have to be during the hours of 8-5, M-F, but I can't be that person in my heart.

Last night, I wrote in my novel for the first time in 2 years. It felt… well, for a writer, I sure am coming up short on ways to describe it. I guess the best way to describe it was it felt like my heart was a POW stepping free onto home soil for the first time in years.

That's what it felt like – home. It felt right. It felt like I was actually doing something worth doing, as opposed to throwing precious time out, like tossing jewels out in the streets with the rest of the rubbish.

The Austin/Round Rock/Dell blog will be coming next week. I just felt that this was something I needed to put in writing, in case I ever forget again.

It's so easy to get swallowed alive by the things that don't matter. Negative energy/evil/Satan whatever name you give the negative of the world, has a way of consuming us with the inconsequential. It keeps us from the things that truly matter by throwing smokescreens of situations and issues that really don't matter in the long run. It kills us slowly from the inside out by keeping us from truly reaching our potential and what we are created to do and to be.

I know I need to refocus on what matters. God is good, and this isn't the first time He's rescued me from myself. I'd have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for Him. He's an awesome guy – you should try meeting him sometime, if you haven't gotten a chance to, yet…

Cheers,

E

Random Thoughts: Week of June 1, 2008

I have some really random thoughts at times. Sometimes I wish I could tape record what goes on in my head so I could play it back to people.

… I think I just proved my point above.

Anywho, I do have a lot of random, crazy thoughts, but most of them are really frickin' funny. I should be a stand-up comedian, except that I don't like being broke and constantly away from home and loved ones. Other than that, though, it sounds like a fantastic lifestyle.

So, I think I'm going to start doing a "Random Thoughts" blog series. We'll see how often I do it. Work has been crazy, and doesn't allow me much time to write, which as frustrating as it gets sometimes is overall a good thing. If I'm busting my ass all of the time, it means we're still doing tons of business in tough times. That also means I'm an integral part of the company, and therefore have job security.

At least that's what I tell myself halfway down the vodka bottle.

* * * * * * *

I really think they need to come up with a new name for "Alcoholics Anonymous". I know no fewer than 5 people who have been through AA – that's not very anonymous if you ask me. Of course, they were all drunk when they told me, but still…

I think the new name of AA should be "Alcoholics Who Have Finally Done Something So Socially Reprehensible that People Have Actually Taken Time Away from their Daily Lives, Gotten Together in a Room, and Told Them to Quit Humping the Dog's Leg and Get Some Help Because Nana Made You Swear Before She Died that You'd Get Clean and You Still Haven't; and, Nana Can Still See You in Heaven, Especially When You Masturbate".

Granted, it doesn't fit on a Post-it note as nicely, but it's a whole heck of a lot more accurate.

* * * * * * *

I had to call a UK Cell phone for business the other day. Man, oh man – even their cell phone auto-responses sound classy.

Obviously, they have the lovely sounding British woman guiding you through the voicemail process. But, after you're done leaving your message and you press the sign, the lady says, "If you would like to DEPOSIT your message, please press 1 at any time."

Deposit! So much more elegant than, "To leave your message, press 1."

Yes, I notice this sort of crap.

* * * * * * *

The last 142 received calls in my cell phone are from my boss. I think that's a bad thing, right?

* * * * * * *

TRUE STORY: When I was about eight years old, someone asked me what the best thing about being an only child was. My answer? "I get everything in the will!"

I wish I could go back and spend one day with my childhood self. I was fucking awesome.

* * * * * * *

I never realized how posh my high school was until after I graduated. I think the moment of realization was when I was telling some friends that we had enough interested people to warrant both a junior high and a high school equestrian team, and you had to own your own horse to be part of either team.

That look on your face right now? Oh, believe me, I know it.

* * * * * * *

I'm not like other girls. I have a penis.

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No worries, I have people who can vouch from firsthand accounts that I'm just being an ass.

I have considered using that line before in the club, though… or on a really miserable first date. I'm just a jerk like that.

* * * * * * *

When I was in some lame ass class in college, we had to do some of those painfully insipid "icebreaker" questions. Various questions were being asked, but the most ridiculous one of them all was, "What vegetable do you think you're most like?"

I so desperately wanted that douche of a professor to ask me that one, so I could respond, "A potato – I make a fantastic vodka if left alone in a dark room for several weeks, and if you cut out one of my eyes and planted it you'd grow a whole new crop of me."

Alas, it was never meant to be. Instead I just confessed that my favorite color is purple and I'd be an eagle. That's not even what I would really be; I was just depressed at any sort of smart assery going to waste...

* * * * * * *

I don't know why kosher dill pickles are so much better than the gentile ones, but man they sure are!

* * * * * * *

TRUE STORY: When you're at a bridal shower, and you're playing the "How well do you know the Bride & Groom" game, and you get to the question about what their favorite foods are, don't be a smart ass and guess, "Kittens and Tears of Orphans". The vast majority of people will not find it nearly as funny as you did.

Trust me on that one.

Cheers,

E

Cheering Me Up

So, as anyone who's had the misfortune of speaking with me in the past couple of weeks knows, work has been HELL for me as of late. Scott's job has been even worse.

Thank God for the "Internets":

..

JOY 1

At Gawker.com, they were inspired by the recent resurfacing of Bill O'Reilly losing his shit on Inside Edition. (And, honestly, who wouldn't be after viewing such a masterpiece?)

They came up with this montage of the all-time, top ten angry on-camera meltdowns by reporters. Brilliant is an understatement.

JOY 2

Below this brilliant piece of work, the comments section provides equally, if not even more so amusing footage of the legendary Casey Casem losing it on his programing director. Added Bonus: who names their dog "Shuggles"?

JOY 3

After seeing that, it reminded me of this classic footage I had once seen. (It has a bit of a long stretch intro, but the finale is the stuff of YouTube glory.)

JOY 4

Oh, that clip gets even better. See, someone was inspired enough to let grape stomping reporter be their muse. The following made Scott and I cry from laughing so hard:

JOY 5

As I signed on to MySpace to post these "Online Gems", I happened to see Ricky had posted a new blog.

Man oh man, that guy sure is the diamond mining king in the "online gem" mining industry: http://www.money.co.uk/article/1000390-13-year-old-steals-dads-credit-card-to-buy-hookers.htm

Seriously, there are so many quotables in that article, it's hard to pick just one.

"Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel." (emphasis mine)

"Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present."

I think this is my personal favorite here:

"Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament."

Although, this one is pretty fucking awesome, too:

"They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them."

And, here is the clincher:

"Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician."

At 13 years old, Ralph Hardy is my hero. Not that I want to rent hookers to play XBox with me. But, to have such strong smart ass powers at such a young age, he is truly a jedi master.

CONCLUSION:

So, the world really isn't so bad... actually, it really is that bad. In fact, it's worse. But, dang it, at least I can be amused before the Fourth Horseman comes galloping through!

Cheers,

E

Most Awesome News Story This Month

Balding Penguin Gets Wetsuit for Warmth

I would have never gotten a degree in English had I known that there were jobs like these in the world...

The only smart ass thing I have to say about this is I can't believe this is on the front page of AOL News. I mean, granted, this is the cutest/coolest news story I've seen in a long time. But, this is more important that the current elections, the Iraq War, and the utter plummet of the US Dollar worldwide... how now?

I can't help it. You win this time establishment media. That pengie in the jacket is indeed an effective "soma" to my Brave New World... at least for the next 15 minutes.

Balding pengies in wetsuit jackets = My New Calling in Life

Cheers,

E

Wedding Updates

So, quite a few people have asked me about how the wedding plans are going. Here's an update of our impending wedding:

Q: HAVE YOU SET A DATE?

A: YES. We are getting married on Saturday, April 4, 2009. Reserve it!

Q: HAVE YOU PICKED THE CHURCH?

A: Yes – St. Philip the Apostle Church in Pasadena, CA. It's the Church where I was fully initiated into the Catholic Faith, and it's closer to the two sets of families than San Diego. We'll be having a full Mass wedding ceremony starting at 3PM.

Q: HAVE YOU PICKED THE RECEPTION SITE?

A: Kind of. We visited the University Club of Pasadena, which we loved. However, we were kind of nervous to just book it since it's the only place we've really taken a look at. We went ahead and put down a deposit with them for the date, and I let them know we'd be looking at other places in May to make a final decision. They were extremely gracious and let us know that was completely understandable, and we could get a full refund on our deposit up to 6 months before the wedding.

So, we'll know for certain in May. We've got three other sites to visit, and then we'll make a final decision. Still, it's very nice to know that whatever happens with the other three sites, we'll have at least made a reservation at a site that we both really liked.

Q: WHERE ARE YOU REGISTERED?

A: Well, technically we will be registered at Target and REI. But, even though we've started the Target registry, don't worry about looking for anything just yet. Scott and I have to sit down and go over what all we've put on both sites before we'll send out that info. But, thanks for already thinking about it!

Q: WHERE ARE YOU GOING ON YOUR HONEYMOON?
A: I think both Scott and I are more excited about the honeymoon than the wedding! LOL! We both love to travel, and we both want to go to so many places. It's going to be hard to decide.

A couple of itineraries we've looked at doing are a South American Adventure (Ecuador, Galapagos Islands, Fly down to Lima Peru, do Machu Pichu and the Amazon Rainforest); Thailand & Vietnam; and a "Family Heritage" tour in Ireland & Italy (we'd visit both Dublin & Rome, as well as the areas in Ireland and Italy that our families came from).

It might be one of those, or it might be something completely different. Whatever it is, though, we'll be ready & excited for it!

That's about it for now. I'll give more updates once I have them. I'll be creating one of those "wedding websites" eventually. I just have to get a spare minute here one of these days! Work is kicking me in the ass. I need a LOOOOOOONG nap, and I'll just leave it at that.

Cheers,

E

Just Wanted to Let Everyone Know...

... that I saw a baby Meerkat at the SD Zoo this past Easter weekend with the Scootz and Christine -- and I now believe in love at first sight. I have a picture of it in my 2008 Pics Album, but it doesn’t do it justice.

Baby Meerkat = quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s saying A LOT coming from me.

Do yourself a favor and see a baby meerkat. It is a life-changing experience. I’m only being, like, maybe 37% sarcastic on that one. I will never be the same.

Cheers,

E

Engaged

Yup, yup! 'Tis true. My overwhelming charm and propensity to cook dinner has officially clouded Mr. Scootz's mind long enough for him to propose to me. My evil plan worked -- and it's too late for him to turn back now! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

OK, so maybe that's not exactly how it went. I'll do my best to summarize here.

So, Scott had been planning this romantic, Valentine's Day weekend getaway since October. I figured he just wanted to make reservations early since Valentine's Day weekend for any hotels gets booked way in advance.

He had found this awesome place called Eden Paradise Retreat online in Julian, CA -- just outside of one of our favorite places in the world, the Anza Borrego Desert. It's a 16-acre property that you get all to yourself. It's got a 2-bedroom, 2-bath cabin on it with all of the amenities, including fully stocked kitchen and satellite TV.

Also on the property are several different types of animals. There are a pair of goats that you can walk (kind of), doves, golden pheasants, and araucana chickens that lay eggs that you get to cook when you stay there.

The property also has tons of hiking trails, and little hidden nooks all over the place with at least 5 different barbecue pits, lots of benches and chairs, and at least 3 fire pits that we saw. It's very cool.

Anyway, unfortunately that Thursday before the trip (Valentine's Day), I was getting really sick. But, since we had booked this trip since October of 2007, there was no way I was cancelling. So, on Saturday, we packed up the car and headed up the 8 East for a leisurely drive through the desert up to Julian and Eden Paradise Retreat.

We spent the day driving through the desert. We got a chance to get some lunch in Julian (which was super packed and way overcrowded due to President's Day weekend). It was really relaxing, and good for both of us just to enjoy the scenery. I was a very happy panda.

We got to the cabin about 30 minutes early, but the owner Doug was already there and very graciously checked us in early. After he showed us around the cabin and the property (including "goat time"), he left us two crazy kids to our own devices at the cabin.

Scott suggested that we have just a small glass of wine to celebrate. We were going to dinner at 7PM, and it was about 4PM, so I said "Sure". He sat me down on the couch in the sun room, facing sliding glass doors that opened out to our balcony and unobstructed views of the valley.

He had told me earlier in the week that he had a little Valentine's Day present he wanted to give me that weekend. I thought it was a bobble-headed penguin, or something of that nature, so I didn't really think much of it.

Well, at that point with our glasses of wine, he said he wanted to give me my present then. But, I had to close my eyes. Being the clueless rube that I am, I thought, "Wow. I guess it's a really BIG bobble-headed penguin then." So, I obligingly closed my eyes, and waited for him to tell me I could open them.

When he came back and let me know I could open my eyes, he waved his empty hands in front of me and said, "Ta dah!", which, because I am indeed such a nerd, I found quite amusing. He then kissed me on the forehead, and said to me, "You are the love of my life. You're my soul mate. And that is why I want to spend the rest of my life with you." *cue awwwwing on my part*

Then, he got down on one knee, and pulled a box from behind his back, or his pocket. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't really paying attention from whence it came, because once I saw him getting down on that knee, I knew what was coming.

He then opened the box with my beautiful engagement ring, and said to me, "Elizabeth *insert my horrible, Hicksville USA middle name that my parents so cruelly cursed me with that I can finally get rid of once I get married* Martin, will you marry me?"

Now, it's pretty hard to shut my loud, English major, vociferous & verbose ass up. But, the best I could manage was: "Uh, YEAH! Yes... yes! I'm trying to think of the 50 different ways one can say 'yes', but since I can't think of anything else, one hundred ten thousand percent yes!"

So, we're engaged now. Yeah! =D I'm so ridiculously happy. Scott is the love-of-my-life. I don't know how he manages to put up with me, let alone enjoy being with my crazy ass. But, God love him for it!

There's no date, yet. We both agreed we're just going to enjoy the newness of being engaged for a month or so, and then we'll figure out the logistics of this whole future wedding.

Any hoot, if you want to see all of the pictures from the weekend, feel free to visit the album I uploaded onto my Flickr account.

By the way, thanks so much to everyone who sent us well wishes. It means so much to us to be able to share this with all of our friends and family. I can't wait until we're actually married. But, in the mean time, I'm sure loving this whole engagement! =)

Cheers,

E

Forgiveness

NOTE: Here is the blog I did on forgiveness 2 weeks ago. I think now that we’re in the first few days of Lent, it’s actually a really good time to post this. I have lightly editing it, but the bulk of what I originally wrote has stayed the same.

FORGIVENESS

I’m actually posting something serious today. (I know, so much less amusing than reality TV assessments, but I need to get some things off my chest… or at least out of my mind.)

I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that more people hate me or have grudges against me. I understand it’s just par for the course – the older you get, the more people you meet, and the more opportunities you have to piss people off.

As a Christian, I try to actively practice forgiveness. I haven’t quite succeeded on all fronts, but I am indeed trying. I pray for people who have really hurt me, that God would bless them, forgive them for what they did to me, and also help me to forgive them.

It’s a freeing thing to forgive others; quite possibly the most freeing thing someone can do in his or her life.

I’ve been blessed to have a lot of people forgive me for wrongs that I’ve committed in my life. I’ve wronged each of my closest friends, and they’ve all forgiven me for it. My parents have forgiven me for horrible things that I’ve said to them. They’ve forgiven me for things that I’ve done that were so disrespectful and bordering on cruel.

I would take a bullet for any of them because of it.

But, as many people as there are that have forgiven me for things that I’ve done wrong in my life, there are plenty more who haven’t. They know who they are – even if they’ve never directly come out and said that they are angry at me still.

I know it in my heart; and, it truly breaks me to the core.

I’ve said it before to people, but perhaps I haven’t said it firmly enough. Maybe I haven’t said it clearly enough.

But, to everyone whose feelings I have hurt, or who I may have disrespected, please believe me when I say I AM SORRY. I’m sorry for hurt feelings. I’m sorry for any disrespect that I might have directed towards you. I’m sorry if I misspoke without taking into account your side of the story or your feelings.

I’m sorry that I’m not a better person. But please believe me when I say that I pray every day that I will be.

I really wish it could be different. Unfortunately, sometimes you can never do enough to earn someone’s forgiveness.

I’ve encountered this from many people in my life. These people don’t talk about me to my face. I wish they did, though. I can deal with being confronted. And you know what? Typically once we do and everything is out in the open, we’re able to forgive one another.

What is the far worse is having to deal with people who act like nothing is wrong, instead choosing to take the passive-aggressive route. Things such as always declining your invitations, and not including you in theirs; answering your attempts at conversation in four words or less; taking condescending tones when speaking with you; ignoring you when you’re in the room; whispering about you when they think you can’t hear them – these are the most painful things to deal with, in my opinion.

Knowing that people are still angry at me, even to the point of hating me, whether it’s been 2 months or 17 years, it is one of the most difficult things for me to deal with.

At the end of the day, though, I don’t have a problem with forgiving people for any ill will that they may direct towards me. I know I have been in the wrong many times in my life. And, even if I truly believe I wasn’t, I still understand how people can feel wronged, even if there was no intent.

For me forgiving others is not my problem. My problem is I can’t forgive myself.

I still feel bad for things I did decades ago. I still feel bad about things that people have long since forgiven me for – some things that they weren’t even upset about in the first place.

The one person in this world I’ve never been able to forgive in my heart on at least some level is me. It eats me inside when old issues flare up, and I have to confront the fact that people out there are still angry and spiteful towards me.

I hate the fact that I have caused others to hate me; and, it leads to me being unable to forgive myself for what I’ve done – especially when the people that I’ve hurt won’t forgive me.

I guess what I really have to grab a hold of is the fact that even if people cannot forgive me, God can – and in fact already has, is doing so, and will continue to do so until I no longer am part of this world, but entirely of His.

Wow – even just typing that sentence made me feel a whole lot better. =)

God does forgive, and it is through his forgiveness that we are able to forgive. Whatever theology you believe in, that fact remains true: By receiving forgiveness, you are able to forgive.

It’s a long journey that I’ve been on. I don’t really talk a lot about the road I’ve taken to get here… partly because I’m ashamed at some level, partly because I know there are billions of people who have been through far worse, partly because I never want to relive those days.

The point in this blog here is that I truly believe that forgiving others, and accepting the forgiveness of others is the one of the most healing, freeing things that anyone can ever experience in this world. It is only by truly accepting forgiveness (from God, from others, and even from yourself) that we are able to fully understand forgiveness and its life changing properties.

There is an example that was burned into my mind several years ago that I feel summarizes this whole point.

Many of you may remember the “Green River Killer”, Gary Ridgway. He was known at the time as America’s Deadliest Serial Killer. He confessed to killing 48 women, most of them prostitutes – though actual estimates of his killings are much higher.

I remember watching a news clip back when he was being sentenced. Relatives and friends of the murdered women, one after one came up and unleashed their pain and fury. And, who could blame them? This man raped, tortured, and brutally murdered their mothers, daughters, sisters, granddaughters, aunts, and friends. The fact of the matter was he deserved every last ounce of their anger and hatred.

Through each of these encounters, he looked each of the accusers in the eye with a stone cold look of acceptance. No remorse, no compassion, just acceptance of their hatred and anger.

And, none of those people left feeling any better. This sick man had taken a cherished person from them. All the pain that they unleashed on him did nothing to change him. He still sat there with cold acceptance. People hated him. He knew it, he knew he deserved it, and he accepted it with indifference.

Then, an old man walked up to the podium. He had a long, shaggy grey beard and was wearing simple clothes that looked like a farmer’s outfit. He spoke with a quiet voice of his working as a “Santa Claus” in his community.

His name was Robert Rule. His daughter had been one of the victims of Gary Ridgway.

What happened next was quite possibly one of the most moving things I’ve ever seen in my life.



See, that is the power of forgiveness there. What Mr. Rule did was probably one of the most courageous, difficult, merciful things I’ve ever seen in my life. And the effects were immediate – he reduced a cold, hardened, serial killer to tears.

It’s things like this that make me want to be a better person. It’s things like this that make me want to forgive everyone who has wronged me; because, the truth of the matter is, Mr. Rule is the only one who walked out of that courtroom with any sense of peace and closure in his heart.

Regardless if I can ever be forgiven by certain individuals, I can move forward knowing that I am forgiven by the One whose forgiveness is most precious, and I in turn can move forward forgiving everyone who has wronged me.

Do I wish things could be different? Absolutely. I wish that everyone in the world that I’ve ever met liked me and was on good terms with me.

But, it’s never going to be like that – at least not here on this earth. What I have to hold on to, and what I think has the biggest lesson that I’ve learned thus far this year is to grab a hold of the forgiveness given to you, and in return give it back to all who have wronged you – regardless of whether or not people do the same for you. Do it, and you’ll see your life transformed in ways that you never could have imagined.

Anyway, sorry this is not a more amusing blog. If you quit reading halfway through… well, then you’re probably not reading this sentence, so never mind.

If anything I’ve said here has offended you, or if I sound too preachy, or if it sounds like I don’t care how others are feeling about me, or if I sound like I think I’m so awesome and/or better than others because I’m working on forgiveness, please know that is not at all my intent.

Please… do forgive me. O=)

I write this because finding forgiveness is truly the path to freedom. Religions are founded upon it. Relationships are healed because of it. People are free to live because of it.

I write this because I want EVERYONE to find it – wherever it may be.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hopefully, I’ll be back to the usual, inane crap on Monday. But, truly, I thank you for reading this far. As a reward, and to lighten the mood, here are some awesome LOLCats. (I know, totally off-topic, but I feel that LOLCats are always an appropriate gift.) O=)

Cheers,

E

I'm Tired

I’m really tired. Normally, that would be a bad thing. But, for me, it’s a wonderful thing.

I’ve had terrible insomnia since I was about 16. I’ve never been able to sleep without some sort of medication since then.

Mercifully, God helped me to get off of the “prescription” stuff quite some time ago. Now, I just take the over-the-counter Unisom, and it does the trick typically after about an hour from taking it.

I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s better than not sleeping at all.

Lately, I’ve been getting concerned that the Unisom has lost its efficacy. I was feeling sleepy all day, but once it was evening, I perked right up and got so filled with energy that I could not fall asleep for the life of me.

It was getting so bad that it would take over 2 hours to fall asleep. Not being able to sleep, and having your mind wander off and just continue to ramble about random shit is beyond frustrating.

So, I came up with an official “action list” in case I was indeed becoming immune to Unisom.

I spent way too long being overmedicated on prescription pills. Now that I’m finally down to pretty much 1/10 of what I used to use, I have absolutely no desire to go onto any more prescriptions. (The ones I’m on now are for innocuous things like my asthma and skin care medications.)

Ultimately, if I can’t fall asleep with the over-the-counter help any longer, I’m just not going to sleep. Period. I can’t emphasize enough how much I can’t stand the amount of pills being pushed on Americans these days. I hate that I even have to be on the ones I’m on!

If it’s a choice between sleep and prescription pills, or no sleep and no prescription pills, then I’m ordering the DVD set of “Insomniac with Dave Attell” and making an all-nighter out of it.

Fortunately for me, after approximately two weeks of averaging just a few hours of sleep per night (since I tend to wake up at least 3-4 times a night for anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour on really bad night), I’m finally tired.

YEAH!!!! =D

Last night, I went to bed at about 9:30PM, and I was asleep before 10:30. I only got up once for about 15 minutes. That’s dang near close to a miracle as far as I’m concerned.

Even with that, I’m still a bit tired today at work. But, that’s good. I want to be tired. My only hope is that I feel more tired once I get home.

Anyway, that’s why I didn’t write anything yesterday – I was actually tired when I got home! =)

Sorry this isn’t a typical, E-humored blog. I’m just so happy that I’m sleepy again, AND that I’ve come so far from where I was for so long with the overmedication. NEVER AGAIN! =)

Cheers,

E